What happens when you break a bone ? Well you would probably go to the doctor to get it checked out and then get treatment for it — if something was wrong right? yes. well to me this seems like a simple answer to this question. But what happens when you throw the phrase mental illness into that sentence. Does it change your answer?
I’ve been going to see a shrink for about 5/6 years now. At first I started going in college because it was part of our grade in our personal health class to go 3 times. Well I guess i liked it so much i just kept going back. This was a grad student trying to become a counselor or down the road a psychologist i assume. What I truly loved about it was that they listened to what you were saying. Yes they are being paid (or in my case at the time it was probably for a grade) to sit there and listen to you – regardless they took time out of their day to sit down with you to help you. They are completely biased – they aren’t in your day to day life so they gain this perspective where you could in no way see yourself.
At first i started out with my shrink saying, i had something called seasonal depression. I’m sure I will get into my full diagnosis later on in this blog, but that story is for another time.
Seasonal depression is basically situational. It could be as simple as the weather changing from summer to fall to winter. The weather is gloomy so it affects your mood. Its funny because I’ve always said winter is actually my favorite season .. so every time i told someone that they were a little set a back. But it could also be just a situation in your live that has caused an immense amount of stress in your life.
Down the road I discovered that my seasonal / situational depression was probably more than that. I’ve always been that type A personality. I was involved in a lot in school, lots of groups, sports, got great grades and was lucky enough to be in multiple “friend groups”. (Which was a blessing and a curse at the same time — i’m sure a lot of you understand this?!).
Anyways, after about half a year going to see a grad student at college i then got referred to a real psychologist — shrink #2 that is. I was a little nervous because I had never done anything like this before. It was in an actually crisis center type place with bars on the windows … and it looked very intimating i’m not going to lie! But I tried to keep an open mind — just kept saying to myself that i was just going to vent and maybe things will get better! They have to listen — who doesn’t appreciate a little of that these days?!
I’m very sad for the people that can’t realize that this is just like a when you break your arm or leg. You go to the doctor to get treatment. That is what I did and am still doing — getting treated for something that isn’t working right.
Mental illness is a chemical imbalance in your brain. That’s it folks plain and simple.
Everyones story is different and I’m just simply telling you mine.
It is a daily struggle for me. Some days I feel absolutely fine ! but a day like today is when I stay inside my house with my pup and just try and get through it. I know tomorrow is a new day… and i know everything will be fine, but some days are just tough to get through. I know this is normal, for me. I know my boundaries of when i need to push myself to go out and get out of my comfort zone to talk and be social. But I also know being a hermit for a day or two is okay. I know it’s okay to be sad, but to recognize and understand everything isn’t coming to an end — its just my current mood and me being the “catastrophic thinker” as my shrink says.
CBT – I’m sure you’ve heard of it …. cognitive behavior therapy. Pretty much what every one of my shrinks make me go over and over. Taking a negative thought, rationalizing it into a realistic situation. It sounds very simple… but I’m telling you its way harder than it looks. You have to train to brain to think like this and work at it every day.
If you’ve ever had a panic attack you understand how scary they can be. Unfortunately you just have to let it run its course. You cry, assume the fetal position….idk whatever you need to do. There shouldn’t be judgement because its not about anyone else you just need to be able to get through it. At the end of the panic attack you have to think of why you had the panic attack in the first place – what I do is try and think of the reasons how it all started and try to see a positive (which yes still seems impossible sometimes — well a lot of the time)— What am I grateful for. Because there really are so many things to be grateful for.
Depression is an awful disease. I know first hand what its like to watch a brother go through an awful time in his life where he wanted to take his own life. My dad as well went through it twice.
Some days I don’t know where strength can come from when you and your family have been through something like this.
I just really wish people would start treating people with mental illnesses with a little more respect. We are some of the toughest people – we’ve overcome a lot of battles in our lives. And these days its starting younger and younger and the support needs to be there for the next generation. They need to understand how to deal with it.
I mean really don’t we all have a little crazy in us?? Be honest here people – don’t be afraid to put on applications, or doctor paperwork, job interviews.. be upfront that you have a mental illness. Be proud that you are surviving and able to fight the battle everyday. That is a strength not a weakness.
Although I have a lot more to say on this topic — I will end this with one of my favorite quotes that I truly stand by and live by.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
❤
Revealing Silence 